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Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
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11:48 am - over this
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because i never wanted to let you in. i pushed you away. and now im crying in my pillow. wishing you were here. to hold back those words. to hold back those fists. to.make.these.god.damn.nightmares.stop.
.stop.
current mood:  empty
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
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10:42 am - wow
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i wonder if anyone is still on this. well, Jade is ten months old now and took her first step yesterday when we were in the waiting room at the doctor! she is doing very well now that she has tubes in her ears and is generally a very happy baby. we just moved to a shitty apartment complex and i'm still going to school at GCC.
current mood:  bored
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 25th, 2005
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2:41 pm
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im still alive. just extrememly busy. im hoping to get down to Tucson soon, maybe next weekend if Dan wants to and we're not too tired. things are going good with Jade. she's very healthy and has quite a set of lungs on her. she's getting bigger and today is the first day that ive been able to fit her into something other than onesies and her pink dress that she wore for her first pictures. im doing okay, my stitches from the episiotomy have healed and one week from today i have my OB appointment where i get to find out whether Dan and i can have sex again! woo! Jade's next appointment is one week after mine. anyway...im sure you're all bored with my crap and probably not even listening since i haven't gotten any e-mails, calls, or even comments. so...bye.
current mood:  lonely
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 11th, 2005
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1:32 pm
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by the way, she weighed 7 lbs. 0 oz. and was 20 in. long!
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(comment on this)
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1:24 pm - jade
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so i gave birth to my daughter on july 22, 2005 at 7:39 PM. i went through 16 hours of labor- back labor that is- and about ten minutes of pushing. after about 12 hours of labor i gave in and got an epidural (and before that got another drug that would just take the edge off of the contractions for a short amount of time) but it stopped working near the end so i almost might as well have gone without it! but my baby girl was born healthy and beautiful with a full head of hair. she looks just like Dan and she's the most beautiful newborn i've ever seen in my entire life! anyway, i better go because she's going to start crying soon (now the story of my life). if you want to contact me, gimme a call because i won't be able to get on-line for quite awhile.
602-705-9573
luv...km.
current mood:  exhausted
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, July 8th, 2005
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1:41 pm
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still waiting. on tuesday when i was at my OB appointment, he said that im still not dilated at all but that my baby is already around 7 lbs. 6 oz. if she doesn't come by the 25th we will induce labor because she's a big girl and we don't want to put her through too much stress. anyway, im just hoping that we don't have to wait that long and both Dan and i are pushing for the 14th. ill be sure to update again sometime...but who knows when ill get the chance. peace.
.km
current mood:  distressed
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, June 24th, 2005
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1:35 pm
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today i am NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. which means, if the baby wants to come, they're going to let her! at my last appointment (which was Wednesday) the doctor told me that she is already 6 or 7 pounds. and that if i went to full term (all the way to my due date of 7/22/05) she would probably be an 8 or 9 pound baby. which is a little disconcerting considering that im going to try to have her without any drugs. so im hoping that she will come early and i won't have to worry so much about size. im going to start taking long walks every day in a week or so to try to speed along the process. we'll see how it goes.
but anyway, since she could come any day now, i won't have a car except for the days that i have OB appointments. so i may not be writing here again for a while. and don't expect me to respond to many e-mails or comments or anything. but you can always call me because i'll be at home bored with only my kittens to keep me company! so call damnit 602-705-9573.
love, km.
current mood: tired
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, June 20th, 2005
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3:43 pm
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so this Friday i will be nine months pregnant. im so excited and SO ready to not be pregnant anymore! we're pretty much all ready for the baby. i got the carseat installed today and our bags are all packed for the hospital and the nursery is totally ready. so now it's just a game of waiting. just waiting and waiting and waiting...god i hope she comes early. after Friday i won't even have a car because Dan is going to take the van to work so he'll have a way to get home if i go into labor. so im afraid that ill go CRAZY being in the house so much. there's only so much yoga and cleaning i can do. so im thinking...July 14th would be a great day. ya, that is what im planning on. i want to have my baby on July 14th.
.km
current mood:  ready
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
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3:19 pm
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so i had my baby shower this last sunday. it was really fun and we got a fuck load of stuff. it was cool to get to see old friends and stuff and it was certainly an interesting crowd. now i only have to worry about organizing the baby room and putting together the changing table (which hopefully Dan will do tonight but probably not).
ive been really terribly fucking exhausted lately because it's extremely hard to sleep when you're this hugely pregnant. and i swear to god im getting all of the trademark pregnancy symptoms right NOW. which sucks because that along with being uncomfortable all the time is making me not so enjoyable to be around.
anyway, i start my weekly exams next week and they'll now be doing a vaginal exam every time i go in to check for dilation and effacement and all that fun stuff. so it's getting close! this Friday ill be 35 weeks! so a week from this Friday ill be nine months pregnant. crazy. im getting so excited. i can't wait to have my baby!
but anyway, im at the library so i should probably go. people should come visit me because i can't leave town anymore! call me! 602-705-9573
current mood:  grumpy
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
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12:09 pm - i never knew that it would be so soon
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i keep getting e-mails and posts from old friends. friends that i nearly forgot about. and it makes me remember times that i wanted so badly to put behind me.
im ready to not be pregnant anymore. im ready to hold my baby. i think that being pregnant totally prepares you for having a new baby because i can't sleep worth a damn and when i do get to sleep i wake up every fucking five minutes to go pee or change position.
i need to learn to not cuss within the next month and a half.
im tired. and i need to go do laundry. but all i want to do is lay around and eat.
the end.
current mood: dull
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 26th, 2005
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11:11 am
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it's making me nervous to be away from Dan and home for so long. i think that this is the last time that im going to be able to come down to Tucson because the baby's due date is getting so close. i keep getting all afraid that im going to go into early labor or fall on my stomach or something with Dan two hours away. it's been fun to visit and see everyone and everything, but im very ready to go back. im homesick and i don't like being away from Dan.
anyway, graduation was pretty cool. i saw a bunch of people that i havent seen in a long time and got my belly rubbed by most of them. i just want to see one more person that i didn't find at graduation and ill be all set to go back home to phoenix. well, im going to go wait for Jill to call so we can go out to lunch because im starving. bye bye,
.km
current mood:  homesick
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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4:17 pm
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im in Tucson for CDO graduation and its craziness! it's kind of weird to be coming back and seeing people that i haven't seen in a long time. but it's been fun because i visited Shannononon and Christian at Spencer's and have hung out with Jilly a bunch.
but it's really strange not being with Dan (he's still in Phoenix because he had to work). this is the first time we've been apart in over a year. i feel stupid because ive only been gone for a day and i miss him already! and last night it took me FOREVER to fall asleep because i wasn't sleeping next to him. it's weird how im so used to being with him every day.
anyway, im excited to see more people that i haven't seen since i graduated and im happy that i got to see people like Terra and David and of course the above mentioned.
.km
current mood:  excited
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, May 17th, 2005
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11:25 am
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so we're in the process of moving! we should be completely moved by this Sunday, but then I have to clean the old apartment. which will be especially fun since the cats keep puking all over the carpet!
but im really excited for this weekend because we'll actually get all the furniture into the new apartment and i can start the baby room's decorations and all that fun stuff! and plus we'll actually be able to stay at the new apartment because there will be a bed to sleep on! and a shower curtain!
anyways, i just checked my grades from this last semester, and i got all A's again. dude college is entirely too easy. at least the core classes. I have a 4.0 GPA. the thing that sucks about that, though, is that when I transfer to ASU, they'll erase my GPA and just take the credits from the courses that I took at GCC. piss heads. the one time in my life that i have a 4.0 and they have to be like "meeeh im stupid and i dont like the grades that GCC gives even though the students totally earn them and shit. meeeh." fuckers.
so im now going to my OB every two weeks. and after the next two appointments i'll start seeing him every week until the baby is born! Dan finally went to another appt. today. and he finally got to hear her heartbeat. it's really cool. and now, sometimes when she pushes against my belly, i can feel the shape of her foot or arm or whatever it is when i push back. it's the coolest thing. but anyway, i have to get going. i have to go all over the place to do change of address shit.
peace<3
current mood:  geeky
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, May 13th, 2005
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3:35 pm
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it's hard to look back. i read through almost all of my old diaryland entries the other day. i couldn't help but cry. god, was that really me? i just feel like such an idiot for wasting so much of myself and my life on who i was and how i acted and what i did back then. and as much as i try to forget what it felt like to be that me, it all came back so quickly and so clearly with only a few words. all i had to do was start reading, to glance at the scars on my arm, and those memories were fresh in my mind again. i don't know. it just makes me think. i was so close to letting it all go down the drain...
current mood:  amazed
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
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8:04 am - one more night
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so we had our last Prepared Childbirth class last night. it was funny because when we were doing the different positions for labor, i was laying on my side, and Jade was kicking my side that was facing up a bunch (it's weird because you can see it), so Dan put his hand there and she pushed right up against his hand. she's already Daddy's little girl.
but i really am ready to get this baby out of me! im getting sick of feeling huge all the time and i just want to hold her. and im pretty sure that ive decided that im going to go without any medication during labor. there are all of these fun side effects and it makes labor longer and all sort of other stuff that i just don't want to deal with. and i think that i can handle it without medication. if not, ill take medication, but i would really like to do without. as long as Dan doesn't leave my side i should be okay.
so this saturday is our move-in day! FINALLY! except the next weekend is when we'll be moving all of the big stuff so we won't actually be staying there until then. but at least i can start bringing the mountain of boxes from our living room over there.
but anyways. i have a final to study for and i really can't bomb this one so...goodbye!
<3km
current mood: excited
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, May 9th, 2005
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2:49 pm
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the bank pisses me off. somehow, im being charged $30 for something that came out of fucking nowhere. and they can't even tell me what it is being charged! what the hell kind of bank is that?! i should have almost $40 in my account and all of a sudden i have almost $10. this does NOT make me fucking happy. and it's appearing like a check payment but I DON'T HAVE ANY CHECKS! i never even purchased any. so someone is fucking around with my account and they're about to get my foot in their ass for it. so im going to go back to the bank now and bitch at some people becuase they should probably fucking know what the transactions going on in their accounts are fucking for! motherfucking assholes.
current mood:  pissed the fuck off
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(comment on this)
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8:12 am
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| Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005
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9:12 am
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im getting sick of being pregnant. i just always feel so huge and uncomfortable. i can barely sleep, i can't walk around for too long without my feet swelling, i can't even sit in front of the TV without having to constantly change positions or take tylenol for my back! im just ready for the baby now. im so glad that we're moving soon. so i can finally start on the nursery and actually feel like im doing something productive. these classes im taking are making me feel worthless. like im getting nothing out of them. it's frustrating. im glad to see them end. but i should go. i have a test that i need to study for. the last test before the final. and only 80 days until Jade's due date.
current mood:  huge
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 2nd, 2005
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8:18 am
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| Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
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1:47 pm
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im like a turtle. bad things happen when i lay on my back for too long.
do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a comfortable position for sex when you've got twenty extra pounds all out in front of you?
i need $520. a month. so i can get married to Dan. ya, that's how much health insurance will cost for me, Daniel, and the baby. and that's through his work. this is crazy. im never going to get married and it pisses me off. there's no way in hell that we can afford to pay for health insurance, especially with a new baby on the way! but AHCCCS says that Daniel makes too fucking much for them to provide health insurance. this is a vicious fucking cycle. someone give me $520 a month so i can get married. pwease.
current mood: frustrated
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